The Big Kiss

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One day, while mindlessly rummaging online, I stumbled across an article on NYU Livewire titled “My Imperfect First Kiss”. There, 19 year old Jessica Minkoff wrote nothing different than what has been in practically every girls’ diary since they were 12; a first kiss that was nothing short of a complete and utter disappointment. However, she did say something that did strike as interesting “Later, he courageously attempted to kiss me again. This time he succeeded, with a gentle lip lock. It lasted a nanosecond. Was that it? Wasn’t my first kiss supposed to sweep me off my feet, like in the movies?”  
I had to ask myself the same question. Were first kisses, or even romance in general supposed to be like what we see at the movies?  

Honestly, yes.

Hear me out. I’m not saying that anyone who’s relationship that doesn’t shine under Hollywood’s golden light isn’t romantic. What I’m saying is that media, movies in particular, have shaped our modern view on what relationships and romance should be and when reality can’t live up to it, we are disappointed.

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I mean think about it. Why is running and kissing in the pouring rain more romantic than a kiss in a small car with jewelry commercial playing in the back? Or even the more overused- man running to catch a woman before she leaves for her flight to Farawayville and confessing his love to her vs. the man leaving a voice mail or even better, a text, telling her not to go because he loves her. The latter in both is more realistic, but they would never show up as a situation in a romantic movie. The first options definitely do, and it is to those standards that we hold our relationships.

For those of you smart enough to avoid watching "Keeping up with the Kardashians”, or for those (like me) who watch them as a guilty pleasure, there is one episode where a pregnant Kourtney is put off by long time boyfriend Scott due to his inability to be attentive. She basically compares him to Ryan Gosling’s role in The Notebook. In order to try to rekindle the romance, Scott tries to recreate himself as the handyman carpenter and even quotes one of  the more famous line from the movie "I can't quit you."
 To get a better sense of what I am talking about, or if you just want a laugh, you can watch it here: http://www.celebuzz.com/video-post/scott-disick-reenacts-a-scene-from-the-notebook-for-kourtney-kardashian/

(I know you must be wondering about why I used the royalty of reality television as an example. Although a lot of reality television is staged, there are always relatable concepts that they are built on. Although our lives aren’t anything like the Kardashians, there’s some undeniable similarities  we have with them. That’s what makes reality television addicting, isn't it?)

Kourtney and Scott have a nearly perfect life. Besides family drama and such, they don’t have to worry much about money or making sure that they have a career. Although they aren't married, they seem to definitely love each other; they have a beautiful house and two children. Sure, Scott can’t fix a whole house up, he doesn't have a perfectly chiseled 6-pack, and doesn't  say the most eloquent and romantic things; but he’s a good father, supports his family, and always comes home after work.

So what was Kourtney bitching about?

Even though Scott's a good guy,  the good guy isn't always romantic. Why?

I don’t know.I guess we would have to ask Nicholas Sparks, but movies have been our only frame on what romance is supposed to be. 

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In media studies, there is a theory called Symbolic Interactionism. There are three premises of this theory:

1.       Human beings assign meanings to things.

2.     Those meanings are negotiated through interactions with others and society

3.     The meanings that humans assign to things influence how we act towards those things.

So the question to why and how film has molded our idea on romance is answered in premise three. We assigned the meaning of romance to the films we see on the screen. Therefore, that meaning influences how we act towards the idea of romance in reality. This makes sense why we are thoroughly disappointed with our partners and ourselves when we leave the theater.

We want Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr kissing on the beach, Humphrey Bogart saying his final goodbye to Ingrid Bergman before she gets on the plane, Viven Leigh and Clarke Gable in a violent passion as the sun sets in the Southern sky, Audrey Hepburn and George Peppered kissing in the New York rain, Dicaprio holding Kate Winslet by her waist at the bow of the Titanic, Jospeh Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel running through IKEA, Tom Hanks meeting Robin Write in the middle of the Washington D.C. reflecting pool. A Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Gray, Nichole Kidman and Ewan McGreggor, Molly Ringwald and Michael Schoeffling  romance.

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It’s a fantasy, and although I think it’s unfair to constantly compare yourself to the likes of Julia Roberts and Richard Gere, I don’t think the basic premise of the Hollywood romance is a bad thing. It’s not impossible. Movie moments can and have happened. I mean look at all the perfect marriage proposals, video compilations, and pictures that are on YouTube. Movies do certainly set a guide on which we can reasonably act upon, ideas that are certainly possible. I can’t possibly comprehend the amount of people that have or have thought about sitting in their lovers’ front lawn, music blaring above their head like John Cusack in Say Anything.

So what’s the problem? In a society where media literally dominates our lives, we can’t expect there not to be some sort of overlapping between what we see on the screen and what we strive for in our lives. The romance in movies makes us cry, laugh, shake in disgust, relate to, strive for, and ultimately hope.  I mean, if Winnona Ryder can fall in love with a man with scissors for hands, there’s no doubt that you can, right? 

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 ( I’ve mentioned about 14 movies in the post above. If you haven’t already, you should definitely check them out. In order of mention: The Notebook, From Here to Eternity, Casablanca, Gone With the Wind, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Titanic, 500 Days of Summer, Forrest Gump, Dirty Dancing, Moulin Rouge!, Sixteen Candles, Pretty Woman, Say Anything, and Edward Scissor Hands)

SOURCES USED
 Ott, Brian. "Erotic Analysis." University of Colorado Denver. United States, Denver. 15 Nov. 2013. Lecture.

Kinnear, Simon. "Total Film: The Modern Guide to The Movies." Total Film Movie Features RSS. Total Film, 14 Feb. 2013. Web. 03 Nov. 2013.

Minkoff, Jessica. "My Imperfect First Kiss." NYU Livewire (n.d.): n. pag. Home » Arthur L. Carter Journalism Institute at New York University. NYU. Web. 03 Nov. 2013.